Moving forward with this topic....as parents, we absolutely must be truthful in all we say and do if we want our kids to be able to identify and live in reality free of self-lies and false perceptions. Our children are watching us with finely tuned radar. They are learning machines and every breath we breathe, they take in. They can't help but observe and mimic what they hear and see. Even if what they hear and see isn't what we thought they would. Children hear and see things amplified. Larger, louder, more intensely than we think things are coming across. Sometimes my kids have said "mom stop yelling" and actually I wasn't raising my voice, I was telling them something they didn't want to hear. That sounds amplified in their little ears. (or big teenage eye-rolling ears) Have you ever been back to the house where you grew up and it looked so very much smaller than you remembered it? That's because the eyes of children see things larger than life, magnified x who knows how much. Likewise our words, (of encouragement or correction), our actions, our body language, our vocal intonations, our silences...all of it is both seen and heard stronger and more intensely than we sometimes intend. So, after assimilating Dr. Farrell's book (which is secular in nature), I again realize that my best hope for facing reality is by living by the truth and in the light of the truth. In doing that, we not only foster mental health in ourselves, but also in our children. By modeling the principles of Christ we stand the best chance of raising young people who can sort out true from false, real from not real, and stand firmly in reality. They become skilled at rejecting lies coming at them from any direction; even self-lies created by a poor trail of convoluted messages from us. Our love for our kids can best be expressed by pointing them straight towards the Truth and not diluting it by our duplicitous behavior stemming from obstacles to our own reality perception. That's a mouthful but there's no better way to phrase it. Just live and speak in simple truth. Can't afford something? Tell them it's not that you don't want them to have it, but it just isn't in the budget right now. Crying about something because you're sad? Just explain why. Grumpy today? Apologize to them and have laugh about it. These raw truths about what they are seeing and more importantly what they are sensing will lead them through the tunnel to teenage hood and adulthood gifted with skills to emerge on the other side spiritually healthy and not ever need a list of reasons from a sale table book why they can't face reality. John 14:6 I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life...John 8: 31-32 Jesus said to the people who believed in him, "You are truly my disciples if you keep obeying my teachings. And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." Praise be to God!
1 comment:
I don't think it's possible, or even desirable to be completely truthful.
Does being truthful mean I have to tell the whole truth, or can I lie by omission? What about by being deliberately misleading? Everything I say might be truth but your understanding is wrong and I know it. Would it be OK if I didn't know you misunderstood? It's not possible to be completely truthful unless we can understand what it means.
It's not even always good to be truthful. We use the truth as an excuse to hurt others, "I'm sorry I offended you, but I was just being truthful." Isn't gossip just sharing the truth with others?
Our children do watch us all the time. They can't be misled about who we really are over the long term. For a long time they see us as examples of what they should be.
All we can really do is love them as best we know how. If we love them, they will try to love as well and will eventually learn that love comes from God.
Telling the truth seems to be "right" behavior. I just can't quite figure out how to make is an absolutely good thing.
Everything in this comment is, of course, completely truthful!
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