About five days ago, mom handed me a book entitled Humility, by Andrew Murray. She's read it and enjoyed it and thought I might like it, too. This is not unusual. Mom and I share books often. Weeelllllllllllllll, WHO KNEW that three days later I would suffer a horrible humiliation???? A set of circumstances over which I had no control was set into motion and I have never in my life been so embarrassed. This topped when I drooled on the glass counter at the jewelry store when Mr. Popcorn and I were shopping for diamonds for an engagement ring! The thing is, the entire day before this incident happened, I was having heart palpitations worrying that it might happen...it could happen, similar things have happened....I would be more surprised if it didn't happen...and then lo and behold...it DID happen. As the writing on the wall became evident, my body broke out in the cold, clammy sweat that happens when I realize circumstances aren't going as planned. I did not even want to leave my house because this time it didn't just involve me, but also a kind hearted friend who was doing us a huge favor. Our friend was going to be totally inconvenienced and at the same time would become privy to a part of my life that I downplay to protect the innocent. I could not bring myself to call the person I needed to call to offer my apologies for the behavior of the offending party. I was frozen. Dumbfounded. Horrified. The whole situation rendered me speechless. And to make matters worse, when I did finally venture out of my tortuous mental cave, I was told of a conversation that took place where the whole matter was discussed under raised eyebrows. I felt the blood drain from my face and neck and just stood there slack-jawed. I was dying on the inside. Cringing. What were people going to thing of me? Did people think I condoned this behavior? It made me tremble. I did finally muster up the chutzpah to bodily present myself to the person deserving of an explanation and an apology. But I'll tell you one thing, I am reading that book on humility asap. I see now that the pride I take in not being prideful is a problem. I am fooling myself. I am full of pride and I know God hates pride. Can you believe mom gave me that book when she did?
3 comments:
My sweet Popcorn....
Now that I know the details of this painful experience, I must tell you (again) that you are not in need of being humbled. Of all the people I know, you are the least haughty, you are not prideful, and this whole experience was, in my HUMBLE opinion (ha, ha...), God working for the ultimate benefit of the "offending party". Read the book on humility of you want, but I think you could probably WRITE said book. Chin up, girlfriend.
Thanks for your encouragement SCL. It is salve for the soul.
Girl, I so know what you are talking about. Oh goodness...I just had a gut wrenching, pride sucking couple of days with a guy I was dating. He called me out on some things and a large portion of it was completely justified and a great rebuke. However, some was not totally true so I wanted to stand up, shout down the offender and run for the hills. Thankfully I stopped and just started praying - asking God to show me how He would want me to respond..and He said, "In humility." We just don't know why..that's the thing ..we don't see eternity. We swallow the pride pill, pray for the grace to walk in humility and trust God with the outcome. Sigh. It ain't easy being green.
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