Friday, May 9, 2008

Popcorn Publishes Headlines




There is a ticker tape in my head that constantly scrolls headlines that narrate my life. They won't quit...




BRALESS PAJAMA CLAD WOMAN CLUTCHING MONOGRAMMED COFFEE CUP RUNS OUT OF GAS NEAR LOCAL HIGH SCHOOL






CRAZED LAZY WOMAN WITH HAIR TOO LONG FOR AGE RUSHES FORGOTTEN LUNCH TO STARVING SON AT SCHOOL: SMILES SHEEPISHLY AT OFFICER






PITIFUL BRUNETTE CHASES HORSELIKE DOG THROUGH NEIGHBORHOOD SCREAMING "TREAT!" HAS NO AUTHORITY


MIDDLE AGED FRUMP SHIMMIES NIGHT AWAY AT WEDDING: SHAMED FRIENDS LOOK AWAY


CHRONICALLY LATE WOMAN MISSES SON'S RECORD BREAKING TRACK EVENT: SON TO WRITE BOOK


SUBURBAN MOM STILL CAN'T COOK AFTER 27 YEARS: FAMILY FED UP (PUN INTENDED)


FAMILY REPORTS WOMAN'S HUGE COOKBOOK COLLECTION USELESS


WIFE'S NEVERENDING PROJECTS DRIVE SEEMINGLY SANE HUSBAND TO BRINK


SUBURBANITE'S SPRAY TAN CAUSES SNICKERS: REMINDS ONLOOKERS OF ROSS



FEMALE RUNNER OBLIVIOUS TO THIGHS FLAPPING IN BREEZE

DAZED AND WALL EYED MIDDLE AGER ZIG ZAGS KROGER LOT PUSHING HEAPING BASKET IN SEARCH OF CAR: TRIES TO UNLOCK WRONG SUBURBAN


You get the picture.
























































4 comments:

Super Churchlady said...

Pop -

MY BFF ("KB") and I read this together and we were laughing our heads off. You are too funny!

shrewmom said...

woman incurs permanent mascara stains from laughing too hard.

elizabeth said...

this is hilarious!!
the horselike dog yelling "treat"...has happened so many times:)
how is my mother so gosh darn HILARE??

FancyPants said...

Ha ha! Love those headlines, Pop. I'd like to sit inside your brain for a day.

Wait, that's gross.

You get the idea. =-)