There is a ticker tape in my head that constantly scrolls headlines that narrate my life. They won't quit...
BRALESS PAJAMA CLAD WOMAN CLUTCHING MONOGRAMMED COFFEE CUP RUNS OUT OF GAS NEAR LOCAL HIGH SCHOOL
CRAZED LAZY WOMAN WITH HAIR TOO LONG FOR AGE RUSHES FORGOTTEN LUNCH TO STARVING SON AT SCHOOL: SMILES SHEEPISHLY AT OFFICER
PITIFUL BRUNETTE CHASES HORSELIKE DOG THROUGH NEIGHBORHOOD SCREAMING "TREAT!" HAS NO AUTHORITY
MIDDLE AGED FRUMP SHIMMIES NIGHT AWAY AT WEDDING: SHAMED FRIENDS LOOK AWAY
CHRONICALLY LATE WOMAN MISSES SON'S RECORD BREAKING TRACK EVENT: SON TO WRITE BOOK
SUBURBAN MOM STILL CAN'T COOK AFTER 27 YEARS: FAMILY FED UP (PUN INTENDED)
FAMILY REPORTS WOMAN'S HUGE COOKBOOK COLLECTION USELESS
WIFE'S NEVERENDING PROJECTS DRIVE SEEMINGLY SANE HUSBAND TO BRINK
SUBURBANITE'S SPRAY TAN CAUSES SNICKERS: REMINDS ONLOOKERS OF ROSS
FEMALE RUNNER OBLIVIOUS TO THIGHS FLAPPING IN BREEZE
DAZED AND WALL EYED MIDDLE AGER ZIG ZAGS KROGER LOT PUSHING HEAPING BASKET IN SEARCH OF CAR: TRIES TO UNLOCK WRONG SUBURBAN
You get the picture.
4 comments:
Pop -
MY BFF ("KB") and I read this together and we were laughing our heads off. You are too funny!
woman incurs permanent mascara stains from laughing too hard.
this is hilarious!!
the horselike dog yelling "treat"...has happened so many times:)
how is my mother so gosh darn HILARE??
Ha ha! Love those headlines, Pop. I'd like to sit inside your brain for a day.
Wait, that's gross.
You get the idea. =-)
Post a Comment