My blogneighbor Fancy Pants is an actress in New York City. She is also a nanny to a well heeled couple with two kids, 7 and 2. Often she posts about the goings on in the apartment concerning her little charges. Her husband, also a blogneighbor,(Five Cent Stand) wrote a post today concerning parenting...All this has me pondering the art of parenting and the stages one is propelled through on the road to raising one's progeny. I live with the hope that with the passing of one difficult ( they all have challenges) stage, the next will be easier because of my experience in the former. But no, that is not true. In the infant stage of the game, I constantly questioned my methods such as should I let her cry herself to sleep? Am I a softy if I run
to her and rock her some more? Am I creating a demanding monster by doing so? When they are toddlers, it is hard to know when discipline becomes necessary. So much of what they do is just because they are bundles of newly walking energy...they don't have a clue about right or wrong. I have raised two daughters and am still in the throws of raising a high school son. He's easy and I've had lots of experience, but ever so often something will crop up that stumps me. Throws me. Leaves me cross eyed. I can totally trust this boy. He's trustworthy beyond measure, so I have to probe myself to figure out from whence my ire comes. Many of my reactions to his actions are really directed towards an older sibling's actions coming back to haunt me. Popson's teenage decisions deserve a response from me that isn't emotionally soaked with things from the past that trigger in me a negative response. Right? You'd think. But parenting is an emotionally charged task. Solution? I have to make sure I'm parenting the child in front of me and not a ghost from my parenting past. If I find that what's bugging me is an irrational fear stemming from a sibling's past, I explain it to him and apologize. I try to explain that I have certain triggers that he needs to be aware of and try to avoid them for both of our sakes. If I am able to sort out the crux of the problem and find it really is about Popson, I try to subtract the crazy mom reaction and explain the issue to him. Whew. It never gets any easier. Parenting is daunting, serious, sometimes a real strain, and thankfully many times a total joy. But I admit it is the challenge of my life.
to her and rock her some more? Am I creating a demanding monster by doing so? When they are toddlers, it is hard to know when discipline becomes necessary. So much of what they do is just because they are bundles of newly walking energy...they don't have a clue about right or wrong. I have raised two daughters and am still in the throws of raising a high school son. He's easy and I've had lots of experience, but ever so often something will crop up that stumps me. Throws me. Leaves me cross eyed. I can totally trust this boy. He's trustworthy beyond measure, so I have to probe myself to figure out from whence my ire comes. Many of my reactions to his actions are really directed towards an older sibling's actions coming back to haunt me. Popson's teenage decisions deserve a response from me that isn't emotionally soaked with things from the past that trigger in me a negative response. Right? You'd think. But parenting is an emotionally charged task. Solution? I have to make sure I'm parenting the child in front of me and not a ghost from my parenting past. If I find that what's bugging me is an irrational fear stemming from a sibling's past, I explain it to him and apologize. I try to explain that I have certain triggers that he needs to be aware of and try to avoid them for both of our sakes. If I am able to sort out the crux of the problem and find it really is about Popson, I try to subtract the crazy mom reaction and explain the issue to him. Whew. It never gets any easier. Parenting is daunting, serious, sometimes a real strain, and thankfully many times a total joy. But I admit it is the challenge of my life.
2 comments:
Yes! You are so right. Some of my ghosts aren't from a prior sibling, but I have them, too. Maybe all moms do.
I have a fear of being a good parent and hope I don't mess it up. I love my baby girl so much, I feel like I may cave into her every whim. I have the ghosts you speak of as well. They scare me.
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