One Little Thing and Popcorn's Toilet Paper

The older I get,(and I'm getting older Wednesday of this week which perhaps explains this line of thinking) the more I worry that one little thing I choose to do might change the complexion of my life, my child's life, my husband's life, my dog's life, our happy lives. I guess that comes with getting enough years behind me to cast backwards glances at choices made and how they affected life from that point forward. This all born from the realization that one little thing can, has, and will again, certainly cause change for better, or for worse. The circumstances of my life have been forever altered by who knows what frivolous or hasty (read: selfish or impulsive) decisions I've instigated. In our youth it is impossible to have this prospective. This is mental torture only maturity can bring. Yippee. I can come at this thing from many different angles...the first of which is to do a mental 180 and look straight back, scanning the landscape of my mumble mumble years. Past decisions TO do one thing over another. (request a particular kindergarten teacher? Or keep big pie hole shut?) Or NOT TO do something.(Face facts or remain in blissful denial?) Or to meddle with something that I had ALREADY decided, and changed my mind mid decision. Or talked Mr. Popcorn into. Or told Mr. Popcorn that I wanted this or I wanted that, and Mr. Popcorn being the adorable thing he is, proceeded to move heaven and earth to get it for me. Only for me to decide three days later that naa, I don't guess I really want to buy that, go there, move here, eat then, drive that, pursue that career, you know small, iffy things like that. Another way to play with this mind thing is to hesitate suggesting something for fear that once you suggest it, and the suggestion is acted upon, I've now propelled something in motion that one second ago was not going to take place. I have manipulated fate. What if something bad happens??? "Honey, just ride your bike over there." "No, just have so and so drive over here instead." "Why don't you consider so and so college?" I worry that decisions I make have the potential to have negative ramifications that I didn't consider when making the decision.(I've burned myself so many times before) Sure, a move might mean greater convenience, a larger den, but what unknowns lurk hidden that might alter the happy little shindig we've got going on? Why change something that is working just fine and dandy? Is this why older people resist change?I ask you is this why? Oh my gosh. It's all becoming clear to me. I'm getting old. Besides the blood pressure medicine on my nightstand, I had a little foreshadowing of this the other day when I stacked two rolls of toilet paper on an a cute little iron paper towel holder and put it by the powder room potty. I stood back and looked at it trying to decide if it was tacky or not. I said to self, "Now self, that sort of rings old ladyish", but I left it there. Practicality won over style... Oh my gosh. Is this how it starts??? Am I morphing into a granny? The flappy too short pants, now the extra toilet paper in plain sight?? I'm getting that toilet paper out of there this minute.